8 reasons why to make friends, not besties

Leadership is tricky. Lead too much and no one will follow. Lead too little and no one will care. When I first started in dentistry, I led like a lion -- roaring and controlling. I felt like it was my job to control the office environment and lead the team with absolute direction. That failed.

It took a lot of trial and error to figure out just how to lead my team. My original, learned leadership style proved to be effective for leading a group of compliant slaves, not for leading a diversely aged, widely experienced group of opinionated women.

Lisa Knowles, DDS.

Lisa Knowles, DDS.

In today's language, besties refers to your best friend -- the person you totally confide in and share all of your personal fears and passions. As a dentist, having a bestie in the office is not desired. And, I will admit, besties tend to refer to a female friend. I rarely hear the term besties when referencing a male friend. But, men, this could be paralleled with a close relationship, of any kind, in your practice as well.

I made a leadership decision when I chose not to have a bestie in my practice. Here are eight reasons why:

1. There are times when your team needs to think more of you than you might think of yourself. When your bestie knows everything about you, it is hard to lead without fear when she or he knows all of your doubts.
2. Others will be jealous of your bestie relationship with someone else. This will cause resentment and lack of cohesiveness within your team.
3. Favoritism will become apparent, and push back will surely follow by those who are not receiving favors as often.
4. Trust will not be evenly distributed, and overall trust within the office will be questioned.
5. Communication will become compromised because your bestie may accidentally reveal more about you than desired in a professional setting.
6. Your bestie will inadvertently stick up for you, even when you are wrong. Teammates will not like this.
7. Others will feel underappreciated; this could lead to losing a very qualified employee.
8. An overall superior and subordinate relationship is rarely equal. Therefore, the relationship could be based on false assumptions and feelings.

There are certainly people that click with us more than others. These are the people that typically complement our personality types. It's hard not to treat them differently because they complete something in us we are lacking. Recognizing this and deliberately treating everyone with respect and appreciation is a sign of a more seasoned leader. Most team members want to be appreciated and treated fairly. Having a bestie compromises the judgment of the leader and, ultimately, can compromise the integrity of the practice. Best to leave the besties out of the practice.

Lisa Knowles, DDS, currently practices in Charlotte, MI. She is an adjunct professor at the University of Detroit Mercy School of Dentistry, and offers private lesson consulting. For more information or to contact Dr. Knowles, email her at [email protected] or view her website at IntentionalDental.com.

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